Shaky Marriage Hasn’t Healed From Infidelity, Now Facing Move

Dear Laura,
I will be moving out of the state I presently live in soon, however my house in this state has not sold yet, and my husband has offered to stay here until it is. My major concern is that I do not feel he will be joining me when the house sells. For two years we have had problems since I found out he cheated on me. We are supposedly trying to work our problems out, but, I get the impression, that he does not really want to. I’m desperately afraid he will cheat again, and doesn’t really love me at all. I am very confused, and don’t know where to turn. What are your thoughts on this?
–Jan

Dear Jan,

Having him stay behind to oversee the house sale is not necessary. A good realtor can take care of that for you. It is understandable to have concerns over more infidelity once you have been betrayed, but I think the bigger issue is what, if anything, has been done to assure you he wouldn’t? What did you each learn from that painful time? What are you BOTH willing to do to promote healing in the marriage?

Relationships are a two way street. Each partners must do their share of work. If one partner is willing and the other one isn’t, you can’t just compensate for their share. Without restored trust, real peace and happiness will always be out of reach. Having to keeping an eye on someone at all times is not a marriage partnership; it is a sentence.

It seems to me that you already know that things are quite shaky between you and your husband. The bigger question I need to ask you is why are you willing to stay in a relationship where you don’t believe you are loved? Don’t you think you are worth more? This may be something you can discuss with a good counselor. I wish you peace.