Moving On From A Bad Break Up

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Dearest Laura,
l have been broken up with my ex-boyfriend for 1 year now, and things don’t seem to be working out my way at all. l feel like we are supposed to still be together because of all the signs that l always see in my dreams and, he’s always on my mind. l feel lost because he is currently living with another girl. So l feel as if it’s over but why do l always get these signs and why do l always dream about him? In my heart l know that he still loves me and l feel it when ever l see him just by the look in his eyes. How do l know whether or not we are truly meant to be together? lt just seems like every time l try to find someone new something always happens. So it never works out. What does this mean? Am l really suppose to be with him or am l going to find someone else that l can call my own? l know that you have been helping people for years and l need your guidance. What should l do? Another major issue is his family. They are constantly contacting me and telling me their problems and discussing problems with my ex and his girlfriend. Apparently they are always fighting and she hates me. l’ve never done anything to her but be nice and all she does is talk bad about me. lt hurts me but l’m unsure of what l should really do?
Sincerely, –lost

Dear Lost,

Yikes, that’s a lot of questions and churning. The bigger issues seem to be about your inability to accept, heal and move on. I strongly recommend that you seek some counseling with a few specific goals in mind: closure, improved self esteem & better boundaries. As for your presence being seen as a ‘threat’ to the present live-in girlfriend, try to put yourself in her shoes. Here she is living with someone who’s ex girlfriend is acting compulsive and obsessive, and who’s family likes to keep her in the mix for kicks and giggles. Wouldn’t you be upset?

It’s time to start a tender new relationship with yourself. Begin by investing in some mental health support so you will have regular avenues for understanding yourself and a healthier outlook. To attract a healthy, available, loving partner do your best to deal with your issues…this will help raise your energy field up to better reflect what it is that compliments you as a partner.

Make a deal with yourself that you deserve qualified professional guidance, and to spend the next few months therapeutically tending to you. Treat yourself in new and supportive ways so ultimately, you will have more abundant health, clarity and joy to offer in a new healthier relationship. The right partner will recognize these positive new qualities of yours and see you as someone who’s ‘doing the work’ in life. It’s time… you deserve a healthier foundation with clearer inter-personal boundaries. Release these triggering past connections with your ex and his family so you can have the peace and healthier partnerships you deserve. You can do it! I believe in you!