l have been broken up with my ex-boyfriend for 1 year now, and things don’t seem to be working out my way at all. l feel like we are supposed to still be together because of all the signs that l always see in my dreams and, he’s always on my mind. l feel lost because he is currently living with another girl. So l feel as if it’s over but why do l always get these signs and why do l always dream about him? In my heart l know that he still loves me and l feel it when ever l see him just by the look in his eyes. How do l know whether or not we are truly meant to be together? lt just seems like every time l try to find someone new something always happens. So it never works out. What does this mean? Am l really suppose to be with him or am l going to find someone else that l can call my own? l know that you have been helping people for years and l need your guidance. What should l do? Another major issue is his family. They are constantly contacting me and telling me their problems and discussing problems with my ex and his girlfriend. Apparently they are always fighting and she hates me. l’ve never done anything to her but be nice and all she does is talk bad about me. lt hurts me but l’m unsure of what l should really do?
Yikes, that’s a lot of questions and churning. The bigger issues seem to be about your inability to accept, heal and move on. I strongly recommend that you seek some counseling with a few specific goals in mind: closure, improved self esteem & better boundaries. As for your presence being seen as a ‘threat’ to the present live-in girlfriend, try to put yourself in her shoes. Here she is living with someone who’s ex girlfriend is acting compulsive and obsessive, and who’s family likes to keep her in the mix for kicks and giggles. Wouldn’t you be upset?
It’s time to start a new relationship with yourself, and begin investing in some mental security and a healthier outlook. There is no way you will attract a healthy, available, loving partner until you deal with your depression and other issues. Make a deal with yourself to seek some qualified guidance, and to spend the next few months investing in you. Treat yourself in new and supportive ways so that ultimately, you will have plenty to offer in a new healthy relationship. The right partner will recognize these positive new qualities of yours without any major convincing.