Forgiving The Abusers In Your Past
Dear Laura,
I am a 62 year old grandma having a terrible time forgiving my mother and sister for some awful things that happened to us in the past, including sexual abuse. They continue to dismiss my attempts to discuss things and bring them out into the open. Contact with them is full of barbs, denial and pain. I have done a lot of work on myself to heal and understand, and yet this last piece with my family is still very hurtful. How can I ever get peace and move on?
v — JW
Dear JW,
You have made a lot of progress on yourself and seem ready to approach this from a different angle. Imagine your mother and sister as little children at the playground trying to play on the monkey bars — but not able to because they aren’t mature enough yet. They’re too small to even reach the bars, and there is nothing that they can to do to “speed up” the growth process.
In this image, you might feel a bit sorry for them that they are so ill-equipped. Let it stir up feelings of new understanding and compassion, as you would watching any child in that predicament. This is an analogy of soul development; the monkey bars represent a form of growth. Just because we are of a certain number of Earth years, doesn’t mean diddley about being equipped to understand and use the “monkey bars” or any other equipment on the playground of life. These monkey bars are not better or worse than the swings or the slides or the see-saws. They are simply different and require different skills.
Your family members are not yet ready to use this particular piece of equipment. And they may never be in this lifetime. You, on the other hand, have a talent for the monkey bars. You’re comfortable enough up there to have time to look around and notice who isn’t.
You could choose to spend all your time attempting to speed up the development of your family members and try to help them get it, but since they don’t believe they need your help, don’t want your help, can’t understand your help…why try?
Your only job is to work on you. Divine design says that each of us can only change ourselves. Take this newfound awareness, and move along, forgiving them for where they are and grateful that you are able to see this from a new point of view. Forgiveness is not for them….it’s for YOU! Know and trust that everything is in Divine Order, despite appearances and that all is well. If you feel it swell up, take a deep breath in and let it go.
