I recently lost my teenage son to an overdose and have dozens of ‘what if I did this or that’ come to my mind. I belong to the Compassionate Friends support group for parents who have lost a child and I hear that phrase over and over. What insight can you give us parents who have lost a child and try to blame ourselves when we shouldn’t?
Thank you for writing in. My heartfelt condolences to you over your tragic loss. I am glad that you are seeking support from many directions. There is a very simple principle for all of us to learn energetically when it comes to guilt, shame, remorse, & regret. It goes like this: I did then what I knew, now that I know better I do better. Period.
There is no point in looking back with regret because we cannot rewrite the past. We don’t have the power to rewrite history. But! We CAN choose to learn from the past and move forward. Because the only place we have the power to effect change is right here, right now, in this present moment. So, now that you know better you do better. You help educate others, you tell your story, you can share what you have learned. That is how you create meaning to such painful tragedy and loss.
Your son is well on The Other Side. You can contact him simply by talking to him or lighting a candle. Watch for his signs. He likes to mess with the radio in the car and move things in your house. Don’t worry if he now appears to you or others as younger than he was at the time of his exit, spirits are not bound by earthly rules and constraints around physical appearance and the corporal body. They appear in ways they like, when they felt alive, happy, powerful.
I know you are looking for answers and peace but grief has it’s own timetable. Please go gently, and try to relax. The more you allow grace and healing to come in, the easier it will be to receive information from your son on your own. Dad, you did the best you knew then. Truly. From here on, you move forward telling others what you have learned. May the strength and Infinite love that we all come from begin to seep in and give you comfort during this most challenging time.
Holding you in peace, Laura